Toast
by FrankieRaye
Summary: Rescue Ranger Monteray Jack stumbles across Megavolt's latest scheme - Red Dwarf's Talky Toaster.


"Toast"

Written with The Limey Muse.

From his sanctuary in the St. Canard Power Plant, a great many sparkings and flashings and mad cacklings could be heard. If one ventured inside - if one were that mad - one would discover the evil genius ... well... evil attempts at genius... of Megavolt, who stood with tools of various kinds, fiddling with... a toaster. A small explosion... a cackle... and... "They called me -crazy-! They called me -insane-! They called me -loony-!" He paused, considering, then continued, "And they were RIGHT! But I'll show them... with my most diabolical creation yet... a toaster.... that SPEAKS!" He cackled again, grasping the plug and shoving it in an outlet... "LIVE, MY CREATION!!! LIIIIIIIIIIVE!"

Ah, the ethereal beauty of nightfall. The sweet sound of lights clicking off all across the country, the pretty flicker of fireflies as they dance around fizzling streetlights... the delicious aroma of fresh cheese waiting patiently to be nabbed from beneath the flexing fingers of Monterey Jack, muscle-mouse and cheese-thief extraordinaire...He sits atop the counter of a small little-known delicatessen somewhere in the vicinity of St. Canard, gazing lovingly down at the dairy selection the shop owners placed so conveniently on display before him. What to take... what to take...? It is a serious and important decision, and one that must be made quickly, before those ugly bipeds find out that their precious shop has been broken into. If the lads ever found out about this excursion, he'd never hear the end of it... he couldn't even see fit to tell his closest friend Zipper of his decision to venture out tonight. Shaking his head, he pushes these thoughts aside, selecting an irresistible round of Cheddar from the shelf. All right, so it wasn't Brie... but at this point, he would go for anything... Diet? What diet? Pleased with his choice, he pushes the cheese onto the ground, and sets to work rolling it away. There is a self-satisfied smirk upon his face as he pushes the cheese through the small hole that had been his way into the small shop. As he sets to work rolling his find down the street in search of somewhere quiet to eat it, he hums an old song to himself. "It's a long way to Tipparary... It's a long way, I know..." Making his way down the deserted street, his eyes wander onto a small building, the silhouette of which punctures the horizon. He raises both eyebrows, frowning as his innate sense of adventure tells him there is something worth checking out there. He gazes uneasily back to the snack in his hands. Eat first, explore later? Explore first, eat later? Decisions, decisions... Sighing softly, his every sense twitching, he stashes the cheese in a small crevice of a wall that has begun to weather. Knowing it would be safe there until his return, he pats it lovingly, a warm paternal smile upon his face. "Stay there, luv," he says. "Daddy'll come back for ya soon enough." Having reassured his treasure that he would not forget it, he turns and makes his way as quickly as he can towards the elusive building.

There was a huge explosion, sending Megavolt across the room, slamming into a wall. The impact was not met with a cry of pain, but a shrill cackle of insane laughter. Because he's a loon like that. When the smoke cleared in the small lab, he pushed himself off the floor. There sat the toaster. Deathly silent. Unmoving... "Well... it's a toaster... what's it gonna do? Get up and -walk-? Bah..." He moved across the lab to the table, picking up a screwdriver. "Let's see what's wrong with you, my poor precious baby... Don't worry... Daddy'll make it aaaaaaaaall better... He he...." He pressed the screwdriver against one of the screws... the toaster shuddered. "What the-?" Stepping back, his eyes wide, he leaned down for a closer look at the toaster. "Hello? My little precious...? Are you aliiiive?" There was a moment of dead silence, then somewhere deep within the toaster, a mechanical voice welled. Softly at first, but definitely there... ~Hooooowdeeedoodily do, the name's Talkie, Talkie Toaster. You're -chirpy- breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toastin's -the- game.... Anyone want any toast?~ Megavolt staggered back a step, throwing his arms up in celebration. "IT LIVES! MY CREATION LIVES!!! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

Making his way down the deserted streets quickly, he approaches the power plant. As he nears the building, he feels his tail beginning to quiver, and the fur on the back of his neck beginning to stand on end. Yep... something's definitely afoot. He grins, the expression laced with the faintest hint of unease. "C'mon, Monty," he murmurs to himself. "Yer a hero... th'lads look up t'yer... y've been in worse'n this..." Breaking into the plant is no real task for the muscle mouse; what his small size does not allow him to break through, his sheer strength does. As he attempts to squeeze his slightly rotund--only 'slightly', mind you!--body through a slightly too small gap, he is forced to remind himself that he hasn't even encountered anything worthy of his heroic attention yet. For all he knows, his super-sense of intuition could be wrong. And then he hears it... Just as he is debating simply wandering around in aimless circles in search of whatever it was that drew him here... he hears the voice of a madman... one so diabolical that the muscle mouse feels the sweat upon his brow freezing on the spot. Chilled by the sinister voice, it is all he can do not to run for his life. This is big! Not Fat-Cat trying to overpower the cat food industry big... but BIG big. A talking toaster... a CHEERFUL talking toaster! The sheer horror of what this implied was enough to chill the courageous mouse to his very soul. This evil must be stopped now! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! He stepped further into the room, eyes dark with purpose as he sees the two figures standing there, huddled over the satanic toaster. Where were the blokes in blue when he needed them?  He sees from a distance the sinister endeavor of the second stranger... but sees not the so-called "gift" that she bestows upon the maniacal scientist, knowing only that it cannot be good. He approaches slowly, carefully, keeping a cautious distance through sensible apprehension, but knowing that once again, the fate of the world... nay, the very UNIVERSE, is in his paws...

Megavolt stared dumbfounded at the mysterious appearing and disappearing stranger, his eyes sliding to the gift, which had been left. "Ooooh..." he remarked, his gloved fingers inching towards the bottle... but alas... world domination must come before pleasure... He turned back to the toaster, his cackle returning. He had yet to notice the other rodent that had crept into his sanctuary... But he wouldn't have cared, really... He had eyes only for his new beloved toaster. "Talkie... Talkie Toaster... You shall be the general in my army of appliances... I can see it now... I'll cause the circuits of St Canard to overload, destroying the toasters... and then the people of St Canard will have no choice but to turn to me... and fill their homes with my -special- toasters... guaranteed not to short circuit..." he petted the toaster before him, comforting it at the thought of the masses of his species which would be slaughtered. "But in the name of progress, we must make sacrifices... I am not unmerciful... the toasters will be resurrected and given a place of honor..." He rubbed his hands together. "I thought my first assault would have been enough... the toast-time ratio.... push it once... the toast is left uncooked... push it twice... BURNT!! But they've grown accustomed to burnt toast...Bah... silly fools... they have no idea what they're in for!!" He went back to stroking the toaster. "You shall lead my army... we will drive men mad... and now... you may praise my brilliant plan!" He cackled, then paused, looking expectantly at the toaster. There was a moment of tension, and then, ~Would you like any toast?~ Megavolt scowled. "I said praise me! Save your toast for the pedestrians! Now... PRAISE ME!!!" There was another short silence. "WELL?!?!?" ~How about a muffin?~

Creeping ever closer, his heart pounding in his chest like a bush-kangaroo on a sugar-rush, Monterey listens carefully to the maniac as he speaks his plans for world domination. EVIL! Pure and unbridled EVIL! He must be stopped... and with the otherwise empty power plant as his witness, Monterey Jack is the only mouse capable of the job. He has been through tough times before, he knows... has experienced difficult cases and confronted mad scientists by the truckload... but never ALONE! Never by himself! Oh, why did his innate need for cheese always seem to drag him into trouble?? And where in blue-blazes were the rest of the Rescue Rangers when he needs them? Well, where else at this time of night... asleep in their nice comfy beds, of course. With a soft and impatient sigh, he pauses beneath the table, gazing up at the figure of the scientist. All right, mate... be strong. Yer a Rescue Ranger too... all y'gotta do is act like you know what yer doin'. "OI!" he yells, grabbing the scientist's trouser-leg and yanking on it to get attention. "What d'ya think yer doin', mate?" His eyes blaze with anger, even as his stomach churns with terror, and, far worse, hunger...

The crazed villain sighed softly. "It's so hard to find good help these days... even when you build it yourself..." Shrugging, he picked up his screwdriver. There was a fatal flaw in the personality subroutines of the toaster. "The vacuums worship me... the refrigerators praise me... the microwaves overcook food in my name... it's not much to ask in thanks to the one that gave you LIFE!" The crazed villain sighed softly. "It's so hard to find good help these days... even when you build it yourself..." Shrugging, he picked up his screwdriver. There was a fatal flaw in the personality subroutines of the toaster. "The vacuums worship me... the refrigerators praise me... the microwaves overcook food in my name... it's not much to ask in thanks to the one that gave you LIFE!" He blinked. There was something tugging on his pants leg. Setting the screwdriver down, his eyes slid towards the tiny mouse. "Well well well... what have we -here-?" He bent over, plucking the mouse off the ground and lifting him up to get a better look. "Ah hah... have -you- come to pay homage to my genius?" He sat the mouse down on the countertop. He felt a small kinship with rodents. He didn't know why, except they, like he, were forced to crawl their way through life in the leftovers of others. "What do you think of my new pet, little mousie?" He patted the toaster, who, of course, said in greeting to the mouse, ~Howdeedoodily doo, the name's Talkie, Talkie Toaster. Would you like any toast?~ Megavolt sneered at the toaster. "No... save your toast for the hungering masses..." Annoyed, his eyes slid back to the mouse. "Don't I know -you- from somewhere?"

Shaking his fist in fury as he is lifted up by the madman, Monty struggles against the grip. Keep calm, old sport... don't panic... You can get yerself outta this... y've gotten yerself outta worse situations, ain't ya? He glares at the maniac, eyes gleaming with intensity, even as he finds himself forced not to beg for his life. Don't show fear... first rule of being a hero. "Madman..." he hisses, gazing in unabashed horror at the toaster before him. "Even without me mates here t'help me, I'll put a stop to this!" His voice breaks as he struggles to break free from the man's grip, knowing it won't matter how much power he puts into his speech, as chances are, he won't be understood anyway. "You won't get away with this!" As the man set him down upon the tabletop, his eyes slid uneasily across to the toaster. In spite of his doubtless and unequalled courage, he finds himself sickened with horror at the sight of the thing before him, and backs away from it, eyes wide, and face pasty. Waltzin' Matilda, what he wouldn't give to have Chip and Dale around to help him out of this... Gadget with one of her crazy doohickeys... even Zipper with his faith. But he doesn't... all he has is his own failing courage... and the promise of his cheese in its hiding-place if he is to get out of this situation alive. He hears the madman's words, but does not respond, not wanting to waste his breath on this obviously sanity-challenged individual. "Just hand over the toaster, mate, an' nobody's gonna get hurt..." He raises two tiny fists. "Do it nice an' slow... keep yer hands where I can see 'em..."

"Madman?!? I'm hurt... -wounded-!" He cackled, looking at the mouse, then blinked. "Heeeeeey..... you -talk-...." Megavolt quirked a brow, looking between the mouse and toaster. "It seems to be the theme of the day..." Shaking himself out of his trance, he glowered at the mouse. "Hand over the toaster?!?! Over my dead batteries!" He cackled insanely again. What harm could a little mouse do? His gloved hand reached for the screwdriver. "There's no stopping the unstoppable! Soon... yes... soon.... I'll have completed my master plan..."

The buffoon understands him!! Monty takes a staggering step backwards in complete disbelief. Shaking his head, Monty rolls his eyes in active disgust. Just peachy. He wouldn't have had this problem with Nimnul. That idiotic human would have just been sent to the nuthouse for believing that rodents could talk to him. "You bet I talk," he says, a little defensively. "Which is more'n I can say for you when I'm done with you. He clenches his fists again. "Ya wouldn't be so brave if I had me mates here with me! Ya'd be cowerin' in yer cheap shoes an' beggin' fer us to let you go!" Even as the words escape his lips, he knows they are hollow. His friends are miles away, safe and comfortable in their beds... and even if they weren't, does he really believe that a handful of rodents will be any more effectual in defeating this nutcase than one? The answer to this is obvious. But, as is his want, he puts on a brave facade. As the maniac continues to defy his demands, he scowls. If Chip or Gadget were here, they would chide him horribly for his rash attitude... but they're not... and now he alone must face the consequences of his hot-headedness. "Unstoppable, are ya?" he demands, eyes blazing defiantly. "We'll see about THAT!" Searching the table, he spots a nearby pencil. In lieu of anything else to do, he reaches forwards to grab it, then turns back to the maniac, wielding the pencil like a broadsword. "Surrender! I've got a pencil here, an' I ain't afraid to use it!" He takes a handful of steps backwards as he says this, unconsciously demonstrating his inner terror. Yelping, he finds his back slamming against the toaster. "Errm... sorry mate," he mumbles to the toaster. "Didn't see y'there..." Backing away hastily, he turns back to the madman, pencil held high, and face terse with intent. "All right, mate. Give up! Yer cornered... in a hole... there's no escape. It's just you an' me... well, and the toaster, but he don't count. Y'don't stand a chance." Finishing his dynamic speech, he charges forwards, pencil aimed at the stranger's chest.

Megavolt stared, dumbfounded, at the little mouse. "And people say -I'm- the loony one..." Quirking a brow, Megavolt watched Monty waving his pencil about. Finally, when the hyperactive mouse came to rest with the pencil pointed at Megavolt's chest, he smirked. "Just you... me... the toaster.... and... THE DIRT DEVIL!!! MAUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!" As the fiendish villain laughed, a rhythmic thudding was heard moving across the room. Then the table shook somewhat, and from behind the mouse, a roaring 'vrrrrrrrrrroooooooommmmmmmmmm!' was heard. There sat the dirt devil hand vac, using it's electric cord, which was plugged in across the room somewhere, as a spring to move about on. The lights lit up like eyes, focused on the mouse. And Megavolt cackled. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Blinking in surprise at the demonic laughter, and the apparent madness behind Megavolt's words, Monterey lowered the pencil, looking around the room with a raised eyebrow, wondering what in the name of all things dairy the cretin is talking about. "...'Scuse me, mate," he says, speaking a little tentatively. "...but I think yer a few cheese sandwiches short of a picnic... if y'don't mind me sayin' so..." Before the impact of what he has just said--namely, the largest understatement in the history of existence--he hears the terrifying grinding of a hand vac... and sees the Dirt Devil making its way across the room towards him. "Uh oh..." Eyes wide, he begins to back away, retreating across the table in search of somewhere to hide... anywhere to go that might offer a sanctuary from the mad scientist, and even madder vacuum cleaner. But... isn't that what vacuum cleaners do? Seek out the smallest nooks and crannies and remove all traces of--at this, he gulps--dirt... from within? He trembles a little. Where is Gadget when he needs her? What he wouldn't give for her techno-skills right now. But no... once again, that's too much to ask for All he has is his own hot temper... and a blunt pencil. Raising the pencil high, he holds it towards the vacuum cleaner. The madman understands him... the toaster understands the madman... maybe the hand vac will understand him. "All right... back off." He waves the pencil dangerously. "If ya know what's good for ya, you'll back away right now... or I shove this right up that hole of yours... and CLOG yer vent... I ain't bluffin'... so back away nice and slow..." 

Megavolt scooped up the Toaster, leaving the mouse to his fate, retreating to the roof of the power plant where he could work in peace. He gazed at his moonlit reflection in the toaster's chrome surface. "Oh, my darling... Ampere of my eye!" Hugging the toaster close, he hissed, as his affection was returned with no more than ~Would you like some toast?~ Meanwhile back inside on the lab table, the nefarious living vacuum cleaner lunged after the retreating Monty, hissing a sadistic vrrrrooooooom... then stopped, it's led sockets narrowing in disbelief. The puny speck of dust dared threaten him?!? But... but... it was right... the pencil would clog its intake valve. ~Vrooo....~ It backed away, seemingly afraid... Suddenly, out of nowhere, part of the vacuum's electric cabling lashed towards Monty, aiming to wrap itself around the mouse and or the pencil. It had its orders. It would not be stopped... not when the benevolent Megavolt was so close to creating the utopia for the overworked and unappreciated appliances of St. Canard...

He watches with a smirk as the vacuum cleaner seems to retreat slightly, recoiling from his threat. So... a sentient hand-vac. Who would've thunk it? He shakes his head; in all the time he has spent at RRHQ with Gadget, he has come to expect the unexpected when it comes to appliances, and so finding himself faced with a conscious Hoover really isn't too much of a shock for him. Slightly more worrying, however, is the knowledge that this so-called appliance could beat the living cheese out of him if he allows his guard to drop. And so, he continues to gaze at it intently, not taking his eyes off the demonic machine, even as he hears the bizarre scientist scooping up his precious toaster and attempting to make his getaway. Well... not much he can do about that now, not with his life on the line... His full attention returns to the vacuum cleaner, and he yelps in surprise as the thing raises its cord towards him, whipping at him with sickening speed. "Back off!" he yells, leaping backwards in an attempt to dodge the flailing cable as it lurches towards him. "I've already told ya I'm not afraid t'plug yer..." He brandishes the pencil dangerously once again, then squeals and dives to the tabletop to dodge the cable once again. Leaping quickly back to his feet, he faces the thing, lunging and ducking as best he can. He is struck a handful of times by the side of the cable as it whips around him, but manages to avoid serious injury... through some miracle. Searching for the right opening for his own attack, he tries one last time to reason with it. "Look mate, I don't wanna hurt yer... y'never did anythin' ta me... so just back off nice an' slow..." There! As the thing raises its cable to lash out again, he spots the right moment. Yelling like a mouse possessed, he thrusts the pencil forwards, attempting to push it right down the thing's 'throat'... or, what would be a throat if the vacuum cleaner was in fact a person... which, of course it wasn't. His cries are triumphant, even long before he is aware of whether his attack is successful or not.

Each time the mouse dodged, the Dirt Devil lashed out with it's cord, trying to snare the deft rodent, hissing and vrooming at Monty. It wished it could reason with the silly little mouse, to make it understand the utopia that Megavolt was aiming to build. But alas, the vacuum knew that only Megavolt could understand the appliance kind. And so, the mouse must be contained. The vacuum lunged forwards towards the mouse, thinking that Monty was distracted with the cord. It received its answer when it got the pencil shoved in its gaping maw. Lead grated against pan, and in a vrooming whimper, the vacuum flopped onto the countertop, lashing its cord half-heartedly at the mouse. Vrooming in agony, trying to expel the pencil, or intake it, but alas... it could not be. The pained LED's flickered, gazing at Monty for some kind of mercy...

Seeing his attack was successful, Monty takes a step backwards to watch the flailing appliance as it gazes up at him, begging for mercy. Thankfully, the muscle mouse knows better than to show sympathy to an enemy... especially one that, technically speaking, should be an inanimate object. He has suffered enough at the hands of Gadgets so-called "inventions" to have lost all sense of pity towards machinery. He smiles, perhaps a little sadistically, and shoves the pencil a little further into the vacuum cleaner's mouth... or whatever it would be called. Stepping carefully around the pathetically flailing cable, he reaches the wall socket that the helpless thing was drawing its energy from and, mustering every ounce of strength he possesses, forces the plug from the socket. "There now. That wasn't so hard, lad, was it?" Dusting himself off, he eyes the expansive room, searching for the maniac that had forced a would-be dust-buster to do battle with Supermouse. But, as he already knew, the man was long gone. Making his way out of the room, he follows his innate sixth sense--the unequalled Danger Sense, the selfsame sense as usually sent him in entirely the opposite direction to that in which it was facing--and makes his way onwards and upwards. It is rather a long time before he finally reaches the location of Megavolt and his sadistic Toaster of Doom... sometimes his sense works better than others... he is hungry, and this is an off-day. Eventually, however, he makes it, panting slightly as he pauses some distance away and eyes the villain. Undoubtedly, Megavolt had not expected the mouse to survive battle with the Dust Devil... so he has the element of surprise on his side...

            The Dirt Devil screamed in agony as the pencil was shoved further into its mechanisms. It's cord lashed violently now but without any kind of thought behind it. The cruel mouse gave no quarter, and from the rooftop, Megavolt heard the dying scream of the anguished Dirt Devil before it's plug was pulled. He scowled, placing the toaster on top of a heating ventilation unit where it would be safe. He would avenge the death of his Dirt Devil... oh yes... Let the little rodent come... The LED's on the Dirt Devil dimmed, then were empty lightless orbs, and the Dirt Devil stopped twitching. It was over for the appliance until it's master resurrected it... which he would. Megavolt did not let his faithful subjects die... Meanwhile, on the roof, Megavolt, seemingly unsuspecting, gazed out over the city at the lights of St. Canard. 

He creeps forwards, eyes piercing the nocturnal darkness as he focuses upon his prey. With or without the rest of the team, he would make sure this man's sinister plan did not follow through. Edging across the surface of the roof towards the apparently oblivious madman, Monty struggles to think of a plan of attack. What would Chipper suggest, if he were here... after chiding Monty for being too darned headstrong? Well... he wouldn't, would he? He'd chide Monty, then he'd chide Dale, and then he'd chide Zipper for being too small. Wouldn't chide Gadget... oh no, of course not... he'd be too busy telling her how clever her latest doohickey was, irregardless of the fact it would have just blown them sky high... Scowling, Monty shakes his head; too easy to be disdainful when the person you're disdainful of is far away... conveniently or not. He reaches striking distance, and pauses again. What to do... what to do...? And so, for want of anything else to pop heroically into his mind, and for want of anyone else around to tell him not to, he does what comes naturally, and leaps onto Megavolt's back, teeth bared as he prepares to bring the man to justice by brute force. "Leave me alone with an electric dustpan, will ya?" he yells, hands clenching tightly around the man's jacket.

Megavolt was tackled. He barely felt the impact from the small creature. "Insignificant PEST!" he hissed, reaching his hand around in an attempt to grab the mouse. His other hand drew his blaster gun, charging it to the highest setting. "I'm not a madman! I'm a GENIUS!"

Clinging to the man's jacket with all his strength as the madman reaches out to grab him, Monty saw his life flashing before his eyes... and it looked like an advertisement for The Laughing Cow. Feeling Megavolt's fingers gripping around his oh-so-slightly-larger-than-average belly, he struggles; watching as his tentative grip upon the lunatic's clothing loosens, and then falters completely. "Lemme go!" he yells, pounding upon Megavolt's enormous fist with both of his small ones. His eyes widen as he spots the man reaching for some kind of energy weapon, and he immediately ceases his struggles. "Listen mate... you don't wanna do this. I never did anything to you... well... all right, so I did... but I didn't mean it. How about ya let me go, and I'll take y'out for a pizza? ...Extra cheese..."

Finding the mouse within his grasp, he grinned psychotically, as only an overgrown rodent who played with too much electric current could. He listened to the rodent's plea, and lowered the setting on his blaster gun. Not wanting to hurt himself of course. He pressed the point of it against Monty. "Pizza? How can you think of food at a time like this?" he paused, then sneered. "But since you are... how do you want to die? Regular? or EXTRA CRISPY?!?!?!" Megavolt cackled, but his cackle was broken off by an interruption... ~If you don't want pizza, may I suggest toast?~ Megavolt hissed. "No! There will be no -toast-! I warned you to stay -quiet-!" His grip on Monty did not loosen, but Monty's being the target of the blaster did, as soon as the toaster uttered its next words. ~How about a muffin!~ "Or muffins! I hate muffins! Now SILENCE!" ~Teacake?~ "NO!" ~Bagel?~ "No!" Megavolt looked at Monty somewhat helplessly. "Maybe I should feed -you- to the toaster... since he's so eager to toast something..." Megavolt started across the roof to the toaster....

Struggling to keep from whimpering like a cowardly jellyfish as he feels the cool point of the blaster being held against him, Monty forces himself to remain courageous in the face of death, reminding himself, once again, that he has been in far worse situations before. When, and where, exactly, he can't recall... but somewhere in the course of his lengthy life, it MUST have happened... surely...In spite of the seriousness of the situation, and then impending experience of being blown into countless infinitesimal pieces... he cannot help smiling as the toaster once again pipes up, offering some alternatives to pizza. "Sounds good t'me, matey..." he mutters to the toaster as Megavolt crosses the room towards it. "But somehow, I don't think he's up fer it..." At this, he cocks his head towards the maniac. Watching with some relief as Megavolt turns his blaster towards the toaster, Monterey winces as he hears the man's suggestion that HE be the delicious fresh-baked muffin that the sadistic toaster seems so intent on making. "Now, listen..." he says, once again clutching at straws. "Y'don't wanna do that... there's some sensitive circuitry in that thing... wouldn't want a slightly-larger-than-average mouse messin' it up, would ya? How about you just let 'im make the toast an' we can discuss your... errm... problems... over tea and muffins?" It is a worthless shot, but the last one he can think of. "Y'd like that, wouldn't ya, fella?" he says, turning in the madman's hand to face the toaster; as he speaks he smiles at it, addressing it as a young child would talk to a puppy. "Wanna make some toast for Mister Mad-Scientist? Huh? Do ya, do ya?"

"Sensitive circuits that need REPLACED!" Megavolt stalked towards the toaster, who was only being encouraged by Monty's talk. ~Croissant, Mr. Megavolt? Crumpet?~ Megavolt leveled the blaster on the toaster, forgetting about Monty momentarily and dropping him to the ground as he pulled the trigger. "NO!" Megavolt howled, drawing the blaster to full and squeezing the trigger. The toaster shattered, in a cry of ~Ah, so you're a waffle man!~ Megavolt fumed, sparking, literally, his eyes scanning the ground for Monty. "-You- did this... you made me destroy my creation! And now I'll destroy -you-!" 

As the man drops him to the floor, Monty begins to back away from the obviously unbalanced individual. Yep... there was no doubt about it. This man was DEFINITELY a few slices short of a loaf. Scampering across the floor as quickly as he could, so as to put as much space between himself and Megavolt as possible while the nutcase was preoccupied with the helpless toaster, Monty struggled to remain calm. All right... so yer trapped on a roof with a bloke who wants to use talking toasters to take over the world... yer on yer own, an' yer lucky you ain't been blown to smithereens. Look on the bright side... if you get outta this alive... you got that cheese t'look forward to... With thoughts like this within his mind, he searches the roof for a method of escape, listening in awe as Megavolt loses his temper with the crazy toaster. The explosion causes a small degree of empathy to rise within the mouse; all right, so the toaster was possibly the most annoying appliance he has ever had the misfortune to lay his eyes upon... okay, so it was satanical, evil, and downright not-nice... but at least it was loyal... at least it was willing to do it's job... down to it's very last static-crackle...Shaking his head, Monty does not have time to mourn for the deceased toaster, as he once again finds himself the target of Megavolt's fury. "Uh oh..." he squeaks, inching his way towards the edge of the roof. "Time for a hasty retreat, I reckon..." Peeking over the edge of the roof, he sees how far down it is, and racks his brain for a way to escape without ending up flatter than the pancakes that will never be toasted...He spots a sewage pipe descending the length of the building, and smiles, making his way towards it as carefully as he can, still keeping half an eye on the deranged lunatic. His mission--not that it ever WAS a mission, but still...--has been completed... as much as he may regret it, the toaster is destroyed. For the time being, the toast-eating world is safe... thanks to Supermouse Monterey Jack... Leaping onto the pipe, he eyes Megavolt. "Well, I'd love t'stay an' be... incinerated..." he says with a false grin. "But I've got cheese waitin' at home..." He offers the madman a friendly wave, winks casually, and then leaps into the pipe, feeling his slightly large body struggling to fit into the small hole. As he begins to slide down to the street below, he calls out, voice tinny and distant: "Y'might wanna think about anger management?"

His eyes narrowed on the mouse about to escape down the drainpipe. He fires the blaster at the mouse, but too late. Megavolt howled in rage. "MY BRILLIANT PLAN!" lowering the blaster, and his head, he stooped to gather the pieces of the toaster. This would not be the end, oh no... far from it... It was a small setback, and that was all... And he would get his revenge on that mouse, also... He grinned, thinking of putting the fat little mouse in a wheel and making him chase a piece of cheese, making him run and zapping his behind each time he stopped... oh yes... Megavolt would get revenge... "THE DIRT DEVIL WILL BE AVENGED!!! AND SO WILL I!!!! MUAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA"


End file.
